Jan 31st (2)

P.S.

just read this on nytimes.com and thought it a good example of how the international media isn't trustworthy either:

"... and the violence has steadily moved, town by town, death by death, across the country."

Jan 31st

Thought you all might be interested in an update on Kenya ... I'll
keep it brief (and hopefully unique from what you could already know
from online international media sources).

Things have gotten a lot worse just in the past couple days,
especially after the shooting of the MP. I went to Kibera (the second largest slum in the world with between 900,000 and 1.4M people) just a few
hours ago. The news of the second murdered MP was just coming across
the news as we were en route (although we didn't learn until just now
that it doesn't seem to have been politically motivated). The main
road to Kibera has been barricaded, so we had to park in the back part
of the fairgrounds (where the refugees are) and meet Peter (the main tour guide of Kibera and friend of the volunteer program I'm with) there to be
walked into Kibera through a back gate. As we got to the clinic
(which is in front of Kibera and where the tour I took with Peter last week began) Peter was informed by a buddy
that a mob was forming down the road a bit, so we left. The clinic's
windows were all broken from rioting. Because the road is barricaded,
ambulances can't get to the clinic. They had a lot of patients two
days ago after the police opened fire on the mob, but they couldn't
get any of the gun-shot victims to hospital for necessary
x-rays/treatment. The kids are not going to school right now, because
the parents are afraid to let them leave their shanties. The
volunteers are mostly still working, although it's a day-to-day
decision. Peter was understandably not in a good mood . He said
things were almost completely back to normal before the MP was shot
and now he fears there might not be an end insight. He also expressed
disgust for a lot of people who left who did not live in areas of
Kibera that were in danger complicating matters at the fairgrounds.

The big problem they are having in the fairgrounds right now is with
HIV patients. A lot of people are dying because they cannot get
treatment without their HIV I.D. cards, but most people's cards were
left behind when they fled. Other than that, there's enough food and
medical supplies because the government has been forcing people out.
There were 18,000 people in the fairgrounds 2 weeks ago; now there are
850. I got to talk to a volunteer teacher there (so this is all
information from only one source). He said that the overcrowding
there was making the government look bad, so that's why people were
dispersed. The government offered to pay rent for people to leave,
but there was no guarantee for how long they'd cover rent, so a lot of
people refused to leave. The deal was also for 4 males per rented
apartment, so in many cases it would have been 4 Kenyan-sized families
in each apartment. Most of the 17,000 people who left did not take
the government deal, but convoyed to other districts of the country or
found family etc. Some are tenting in the brush just outside the
fairgrounds. Some got work as guards (given the increase in demand
for that occupation in this country right now). He said the
fairgrounds still have 60 orphans, but he's hopeful they'll be placed
in an orphanage in Ngong once they finish the new building there.
I'm not sure what tribe this guy belongs to, but he said, "Raila knew
he won. All Kenyans knew he won." But when I asked him if he thought
there was rigging on both sides he said there definitely was. I asked
him what he thinks should be done from here and he expressed desire
for reelections with a 3-month intermediate government run by the
speaker of parliament. Either that or martial law. He claimed
that's what everyone in the fairgrounds wants, but he also admitted
that the people there receive almost no news. He said every tribe is
represented in the fairgrounds and everyone there is for peace.

I'm heading to Nakuru next week to help Irene (the director of the organisation GVN partners with here) at a refugee camp up
there, so I'll let you know how things up there are if I learn
anything.

As an interesting note, Irene is Kikuyu (the target tribe and tribe of the incumbent) and I know she would argue that the elections were fair. She's well educated and has been to the states. The truth is you really can't trust anyone including domestic and international sources of media. But no matter who you ask, everyone agrees that things are only getting worse.

As for my safety, no need to worry. The violence has spread in size, but not in geography. It's still very localised in Kibera in Nairobi and in Nakuru/Eldorat area. The whitey-burbs I'm staying in is quite calm.

January 24th-27

Spent these days on safari (Maasai Mara and Lake Nakuru). Lot’s of fun stories and cool things, but I think it wouldn’t do justice just writing about it without pictures, so you’ll have to wait until I get back.

January 19

I wake up feeling spectacular. We have breakfast and organize tips and equipment donations for our staff. The porter who carried my stuff the whole way wore striking hot-pink jump pants. I’m jealous. The tipping ceremony is quite hilarious. We give out the tips and then our staff of 35 sing the Kilimajaro song in Swahili. This is the only day it didn’t precipitate at all; an all-around glorious day of hiking. Not sore at all. Get back into the Kibo hotel around 4pm and have two orders of strawberry ice cream before dinner. This is a typical example of peculiar things that are common in Africa. Four of us order two bowls of chocolate ice cream and two of vanilla. The waiter disappears for 10 anticipatory minutes before returning to inform us they’re out of vanilla. One person changes to chocolate and the other to strawberry. The waiter disappears for another 5 minutes before coming back to tell us they only have strawberry. Weird. I rationalized that while he was telling us about the lack of vanilla, the cow with the chocolate utter wondered away. Nonetheless, the strawberry cow provided one of the best ice cream experiences of my life.

January 18

We start hiking at midnight so we can get good footing on the frozen ground. The next 12 hours are an indescribable hell. The mothers in my group compared it to giving birth. The best I can do is liken it to waking up with the worst hangover of your life, except instead of sleeping in and doing nothing all day, you are woken up at midnight to hike uphill for eight hours in temperatures around -15 degrees Fahrenheit on no food in the past 24 hours. And of course, despite the fact that we could see hardly any snow on the peak on the way up, we summitted in an all-out blizzard. It felt like we were walking for survival the second day of a nuclear winter. Very surreal.

My head thought it was a cement mixer and my eyelashes (the only part of my body exposed) were frozen-white icicles. Every five-minute break we took I sat down and fell asleep against my backpack, despite reprimands from my guide. I slept not due to fatigue, but because it was the only possible reprieve from the headache. But I made it to Uhuru peak, the highest point in Africa (19,800ft). There’s less than 50% oxygen at the top, so there were no organized group shots or celebrating at all. It was get in and get out as fast as possible. The lack of a spectacular view (or any view for that matter) was very disappointing.

The way down was equally as painful. The scree was now loose and every slip-step on the way down sent my headache off. I got some help an hour away from camp when a porter met me to take my bag.

We rested at camp for a few hours (I still couldn’t find the stomach to eat) and then set off for another three-hour hike down to a lower camp. Already feel much better upon arrival and ate a full meal for the first time in 48 hours. Delicious soup, rice, beef stew and fresh fruit. We have our first “washy washy” in a few days. I’m not sure how many of the staff know that “washy washy” isn’t exactly how us westerners would phrase it?

January 17

I wake up below Mwenzi peak with a splitting headache, the kind that throbs of pain with every pulse. I have some tea and get up to pee, but end up puking out everything I’ve consumed in the past 24 hours en route. Apparently both the stomach and brain need oxygen to function properly. The hike is exceedingly painful, but visually spectacular. We head to Kibo camp at the base of the main peak across desert. I find it really strange how the climates are ordered on the ascent: plains then rainforest then brush, then desert then glaciers. Weird. Head to bed at 6:30pm to prepare for the 11pm wakeup call for the final ascent. 16,000 ft.

January 16

Hike to the base of Mwenzi peak (the lower of the two peaks of Kili). Other than my tentmate, Peter, everyone else is feeling some effects of altitude sickness. Suckas. Peter and I are bouncing around snapping pictures during a sleet-filled acclimatization hike while the rest of the group suffers. Added a new game (“Animals”) to the drug-dealer, taboo etc. array of games of hilarity. 14,000 ft.

Night of the 15th

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Let’s pause for a moment to discuss philosophy. I think it’s stupid to come to Africa to “find yourself” because there aren’t that many mirrors. But I guess I came to gain “perspective,” which must be interpreted as a deeper understanding of how the world is, but more specifically how I interact with the experiences I have (human input), how I process experience and how I make decisions based on that input.


I’ve thought a lot about my future in the past year. The D-date for my adulthood to start in on my return. I had three criteria for a career: (in no particular order) something enjoyable, something profitable (instrumental for further enjoyment) and something that results in positive change for the world. I aimed for two of the three before (baseball, alternative energy etc.), but through social entrepreneurship I can accomplish all three. But I want more than just a career satisfying all three; I also want to “get it.” And that is where I’ll begin this discussion.


I fell asleep at 8:30pm and woke up at midnight having to pee like a racehorse … a racehorse that needs to pee very badly. This only required getting out of my sleeping bag, putting on shoes, walking 20ft, unzipping and letting the clear and copious flow. But at 11,000ft this got my heart racing. Normally when I start on the philosophy at night I know to cut it off before it gains steam, but I’m too awake to fall asleep anyway, so I let it go. Maybe this is a starting point for perspective.


There are obviously many different types of people in the world, but for the purpose of this mental jaunt I’ll divide the population into three broad categories.


The first category is people who “get it.” They comprise between 0.01% and 0.001% of the population, or roughly 4,000 to 40,000 people in the US. At first glance this figure seems extremely small, but I can find equal reason to think it’s too big. It is tough to describe what it means to “get it,” but without an attempt this ramble is pointless. To “get it” you have to be comfortable in every situation, you have to always say and do the right thing (and not just for image’s sake), you have to have a profound effect on the people around you and you have to have an unbelievable understanding of yourself and the world. These are all necessary attributes for “getting it,” but it is by no means a sufficient list. Very, very few successful people “get it,” but all people who “get it” are successful. This is because when you have a deep understanding of yourself and human interaction with the world, you have both the initiative and ability to cause ripples in society whether its financially in the marketplace, globally in culture or quality of life, or interpersonally.

The dearth of people who “get it” not only means it’s possible to live a life without ever meeting such a person, but it’s likely. I’m fortunate enough to know two people who I believe to “get it.” One is my parents’ teacher Rinpoche. The other is Colin, the founder and CEO of GVN.

(WARNING: this is longwinded, but it all ties back in with my life and perspective eventually and its essential to understand what “getting it” means to me if you are to follow any of the later introspection, so longwinded it must be. Please skip to the next post if you’re only interested in hiking.)

Back to Rinpoche and Colin. Let’s examine the differences between these two, as their inclusion in this group serves as the similarities. Rinpoche is Buddhist. Colin is Christian. Rinpoche is deeply religious. I didn’t know Colin was Christian until I knew he was Christian. Presumably their religion helped each “get it,” but religion hardly seems like a prerequisite for “getting it” given their range of devotion. At least I hope it’s not a prerequisite, otherwise I’m in trouble. Rinpoche is considered to be enlightened, the Buddhist cousin of “getting it.” Because of the similarity between “getting it” and enlightenment it is likely that a disproportionate number of Buddhists “get it.” But this is only idle speculation, and I don’t believe Buddhism to be a prerequisite in any case.


Before moving on to the next two categories of people, let me stress now that while it is better to “get it” than not, neither of the following two groups is better in any way nor better off than the other; they’re just different.


The second category is people who might have a slight chance to “get it,” but it is not worth their effort – nor anyone else’s – to get them there. This group consists of 95-99% of the population, or roughly 380-396 million in the US. Now there could be a number of reasons why “getting it” is not worth the effort for a person in this category.

One subcategory is people who either aren’t intelligent enough to “get it,” or lack the necessary education or means to get to the point where “getting it” could be a realistic goal. This sounds harsh, but the purpose of this exercise is to think, not to be PC. To illustrate this subcategory, consider Africa. Plenty of people here are bright enough, but can “getting it” be a viable or worthwhile goal when pitted against the struggle just to earn a living and escape the cycle of poverty? For people in Princeton or New York, this subcategory is a small minority of the people we know (because getting it doesn’t require a vast amount of intelligence, schooling and wealth, only some minimum threshold of each).

A second subcategory – the majority of people we know – is people who are slaves to their upbringing and experiences. Their nature and nurture has congealed by adulthood into a conception of the good life that does not include “getting it.” Although they may wish to have many of the same qualities associated with “getting it” their ideal life does not include “getting it.”

Let’s examine a few examples to further understand this group. (NOTE, if you are reading this blog, you are NOT one of the following people, because I know these people will never read this blog. But it’s possibly you may know these people thus the examples will remain anonymous.)

The first person is a middle-aged father. He’s a great all-around person. He likely had some experiences growing up that left him feeling inadequate or unaccepted. This resulted in a very mild streak of anger, which he has eradicated (or compensated for) by being unusually mellow and cool to the point it strikes the keen eye as peculiar. His concept of the good life involves: being a great husband and father; retirement; seeing his kids do great things; and probably not much else.

The second example is a student who stood out academically even at Princeton. He has a wide network of friends, works a high-paying job, and will no-doubt be hugely successful because he is so smart and driven. He’s perfectly nice and friendly. He likely was under huge pressure from his parents to succeed. Although I didn’t interact with him a whole lot, I suspect he struggles (or is unable) to open up and really be close with anyone. This could lead to trouble – or at least suboptimality – down the road (e.g., marriage), but it might not and it might not even bother him if it does. His concept of the good life is great success and a family life that is as perfect as he is aware one can be.

The third example is another Princeton student. Although I didn’t interact with her a whole lot either, she was one of my favorite people at the school. She’s super positive and friendly etc. She struggles slightly with the fact that she truly believes the world isn’t quite as wonderful as she wishes she thought it was. I hope she lives out her concept of the good life, which is to have lots of close friends, a great husband and kids, affect positive change on the world, and continue with only a small gap between actual perception of the world and desired perception of the world. I fear that her desire for pure optimism will continue to clash with her experience, especially as she begins a career in finance.

It is important to reiterate that these examples are in the second category of people not because of success, awesomeness of personality, intelligence etc. They are in this category only because it is not worthwhile for them to pursue “getting it.”


The third and final category is people who have a tangible chance to “get it” and are best off trying to “get it.” This group comprises 1-5% of the population or roughly 4 to 20 million in the US. These people have the ability to understand what getting it entails. If they’ve never met someone who “gets it” they may not be aware “getting it” exists. Or they may think they know people who “get it” who actually don’t. But these people are capable of understanding what “getting it” means. In order for these people to actually “get it” a number of things need to happen. I wish I knew what exactly, but I don’t; it likely involves a lot of good choices and luck. Notice from the size of the categories that less than 1% of these people will ever “get it.” It is a worthwhile quest, nonetheless, because it is a part of their concept of the good life and “getting it” will practically ensure that all other aspects of their concept of the good life will materialize. It is also a worthwhile quest because with each step closer to “getting it” the quality of life improves. “Getting it” is not an eternal salvation-like pursuit in which you must put in your dues now for a total reward in the future; there is value in every progress. I’m in this category.


I apologize if this is beating a dead horse, but let me provide one more example to illustrate the distinctions among the three categories. When I was a little younger – and even more naïve – I would have read a blurb like this and hastily placed my grandfather in the category of people who “get it.” This would be typical behavior of someone like myself in group three to make this mistake. Of everyone I’ve ever known, I probably have the most respect for my grandfather; he’s witty, kind, brilliant, successful and unique. But even though he has many of the same qualities as those who “get it” he belongs in category two, because his qualities fall directly from his experiences, which is not “getting it.” My confusion lied in the distinction between “getting it” and old-age wisdom. Perhaps this is confusing, but he simply happened to live out the typical Jewish-American concept of the good life, while managing to keep his sanity (haha). I don’t believe having a deep understanding of self and interaction with the world was ever a clear part of his goals. He merely picked up a recognizable portion of such awareness by being smart and having a lot of experience. He belongs in group two, because he doesn’t quite “get it” and he would not have been better off pursuing “getting it.”


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It’s now 4am and I have to pee again. This is the first time I’ve peed twice in the middle of a night that did not follow drinking things measured by proof. This urination was well worth it. As I’m letting it flow onto a now well-hydrated bush, I see a comet fly through the sky. It is so clear I could actually see red around the comet’s head. Within moments a second flies by. Reeediculous. The night sky now has my full attention and it’s unlike any I’ve ever seen before. There must be over a hundred thousand stars distinctly visible, with over 100 of them brighter than any of the planets have ever been on the east coast. I can see both the North Star and the Southern Cross. Reeediculous. I look over to see the gleam of the moon off Kili’s summit. Above the summit is a legit twinkling star completely spazzing. I think this is the first twinkling star I’ve ever seen. I actually stop to wonder what it is. Song makes sense now.

As I slip back into the tent I see a flash of light across the plains below. I’m completely perplexed until I hear the thunder and realize I’m literally above the storm. So surreal.

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The question is posed, “why not Buddhism if the goal is ‘getting it?’” I’ll start with the surface reasons for hesitancy and progress to deeper barriers.

First of all, becoming Buddhist far from guarantees “getting it.” A quick glance at my parents’ sangha (Buddhist group) reveals that. Rinpoche has one student who is very close to “getting it” (well ahead of the rest of us category threes). The rest of the sangha is a mix of category twos and threes who seem to know how to have a good time and might be improving their lives, but aren’t any closer after years of Buddhism to “getting it” than I believe myself to be now. Now this isn’t a barrier in itself, because there is value in the journey, so any positive movement is worthwhile. But this concern holds more weight in tandem with a deeper concern, which is that I see the Buddhist life as an abandonment of one of my other goals (improving the world).

Now it is easy to say that my life goals will change if I convert and start the journey, but which criteria should I use in decision making: my current knowledge and aspirations or what my view of the world might be if I make certain decisions? I can only use the beliefs, information and goals I have at present. Otherwise it’s like choosing to smoke crack because you suspect that once you do you’ll become addicted and develop ‘being high as much as possible’ as a goal. In other words, you can’t act towards a goal that won’t exist until the action in question enables it, otherwise the rationality of decision making breaks down. And this brings us to the crux of the issue: rationality and belief.

If I have one fundamental belief it is that knowledge can only be justified by induction and deduction. From what I understand, Buddhism has a system of justification akin to this notion of rationality, but fundamentally different. This fact combined with many Buddhist beliefs that fly in the face of rational deduction and induction pose a serious barrier.

Now there is a glaring fallacy with my fundamental belief: how can I justify it? Any deductive or inductive support of induction and deduction would beg the question. So how did I come to believe that knowledge can only be justified by induction and deduction? The answer must be faith (which accounts for all belief that doesn’t come to be through observation or logic).

This is extremely worrisome. Faith has been my longtime nemesis and now it seems that everything I claim to know rests upon it? To see why faith is so troublesome, notice how it avoids the same issue deduction and induction had with self-justification. Let’s pretend I now hold that knowledge can only be justified by deduction, induction or faith and ask again how this can be justified. The answer is faith. I can have faith that faith is a valid mans of justifying knowledge and this is not question-begging because faith simply isn’t subject to the laws of rationality. It’s not subject to any laws; it’s the anarchy of belief. Faith is a boundless, unchecked havoc-wreaker on thinking and here I am, a man of faith?!

Upon closer inspection, however, I might not be in as much trouble as it seems. Faith is bound by one law: just like with beliefs based on deduction and induction, you cannot will yourself to have a faith-based belief. You cannot choose to have faith in the existence of god; faith must already be present before reasoning on the belief takes place (a lot more on this to come in a future post). Faith-based beliefs are those beliefs which I hold to be true, but which I did not come by as a result of observation or thought. A belief in an omnipotent Being solely because there seems no other plausible means for the existence of humanity is not faith-based; it is inductive. A belief that the bible is the word of god despite all the evidence piled against it (or at least in the absence of any evidence for it) is faith-based.

So what do I have faith in? Well for one, I have faith that all other knowledge can only be justified by induction and deduction alone. And if I have faith in that, then clearly I don’t have faith in anything else. Is my belief that induction and deduction alone can provide justification for all beliefs except this one justified? No, it cannot be. But I have faith in this even if it is unclear how this faith developed. It is therefore pointless to convince others to hold this view, because it falls from faith alone. This is saddening, but at least my base of knowledge remains stable internally. My wealth of knowledge still supports itself to me. I can live in a world where I have to accept a Christian’s beliefs on equal footing as my own, but I cannot live in a world where I have to challenge everything I hold to be true right down to two plus two equaling four because deduction might be fallible.

Even with faith in the mix, belief is not a matter of choice. This is where my true incompatibility with Buddhism (and all religions) lies. I cannot alter my belief system just because it might be in my best interest. To convert would be to attempt to abandon everything I hold to be true, and such is impossible; open-mindedness is admirable, but, at such a fundamental level, unattainable. Belief is not a matter of choice.

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January 15

8 hours of hiking including all stops. Others in group are starting to feel signs of altitude sickness, but I feel the best I have in days. Skies cleared and the views of the peaks above and the plains below are unbelievable. We’re being super pampered on this hike. We have a team of 35 (three guides, a cook and 31 porters)! I feel like we should be waging war on a small nation. We get tea in bed to start the day, take meals in a mess tent, have a toilet tent and are eating really good food. The porters each carry about 30 pounds on their heads, some are wearing loafers, and they still fly by us on route. “Jambo, Jambo” say the whiteys every time they pass. And yet they remain really friendly? Camp at 11,000.

January 14

Overcast, so no spectacular views of the mountain. Took two-hour drive to starting point. “African Massage” = 2-hour jeep ride on African roads. First walk’s a breeze, but got a nose-bleed. I always was that fat kid it the front of the class. Camp at 8,000ft.

January 13

Good news: bags came. Bad news: still sick. We listen to a speech about how demanding the climb is and I can’t even hear well without hawking up wads of mucous. Bring it on!

January 11-12

The third world is so dangerous these days that I got sick before I even arrived. To add distress to disease, my bags didn’t join me in Nairobi. If they don’t show up tomorrow I’ll have to climb the highest free-standing mountain in the world in Sauconys and my Baggio jersey.

WELCOME

Welcome to my Blog. So on the slow internet over here I can’t always retroactively post blogs, and because I’m mostly transcribing things from a journal, the days on which I post things don’t line up at all with the day I wrote it. So I’m going to title each entry by the date on which it was written. Also you should be warned that there’s going to be a lot of philosophy throughout. To keep it interesting, or even worthwhile, I’m going to try to keep it all relevant to my life. Therefore, this blog will be deeply introspective at times. If you aren’t interested in that sort of stuff, by all means skip it. If you are interested and do choose to read it, I’d love to hear your opinions, questions, criticisms etc. Feel free to fire away at anything I think, how I choose to live and (especially!) what you think I fail to see. Enjoy!

-Rafa (as I'm known over here haha)